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I Feel Fine Enough I Guess, Consindering Everything's A Mess 
23rd-Dec-2007 06:24 pm
No Longer At Ease [shocked]
Who: Konan and Kisame
When: December 16th, 2007.
Where: This is actually a phone call, but we did it in Log format.
Warnings: Mild Cursing, Potential Baby Drama
Open?: No. Complete.

The trip to the airport had taken much longer than planned, but luckily Kisame had allowed for the travel. He hated the subway, so he had driven. Parking was a mess, and in Japan things could be sure to go wrong more often than not when using private transport it seemed. Then the line inside the airport had been terrifying, travelers and tourists creating one massive line zigging and zagging throughout the main room. Most of them seemed to be people trying to get on a plane to return home from vacation in time for the family holiday. Kisame had wondered what on earth had begged for this trip to be during Christmas, but he had more than one reason to go anyway.

Finally getting his boarding pass while making a mental note to do the online printout next time, he headed for the plane. It was late. All things that could go wrong seemed to, but eventually the transportation arrived and he was off. The ride took six hours, Kisame spending that time reading or playing solitare on his phone. He ordered the fish fillet for dinner, and took an hour and a half nap afterward. Once landed, he pulled his phone from the holster on his hip and called Konan. It was around eleven o'clock at night back in Japan, five in the morning where Kisame stood. He was waiting for his bags, but had promised her he would call when they landed no matter the time.


Konan had been up, with no intention of sleeping any time soon ,there were things on her mind, so there she sat fully clothed in her empty bathtub, a book on one side, the phone on the other, staring blankly at the ceiling. She stared at the phone while it rang a few times, she was sort of out of it, so she wasn't sure why it was making noise, but once her brain finally sorted all of it out she fumbled with it for a few seconds before she found the talk button, "Hello?" she said, her voice hopeful, but really, no one ever called her besides him.

"Hey, you're up." Kisame said into the microphone. He sounded pleased to hear her, which he was. "Doing anything?" The man then questioned, back leaning against a tall square pillar that stood at the end of the baggage trolley. The black slats moved around the curve and swung back in a serpentine shape, bags being brought forth from a whole in the wall not far to Kisame's right.

"Yeah, yeah I am." she said trying to sound cheerful, this was going to be hard. "Not really, no, just sitting around." she failed to mention it was in her bathroom, but that wasn't entirely important. She was going to have to try to continue this conversation, she wasn't going to drop the bomb on him now, if at all. "How was your flight?" she realized that she wasn't entirely sure where he was going, she just knew he was going somewhere.

"Long. Six hours and every one was boring." Said Kisame as he watched the bags go round, some repeating themselves. "I think almost everything that could go wrong, did." He shook his head, eyes wandering away from the bags up to the various people. Most of them were American, looking at him occasionally as if they had never seen a blue haired Asian man before. Probably hadn't, but that wasn't the point. He noticed Konan didn't sound all too well, but said nothing. She hadn't said much, perhaps he had misheard.

"Shit that sucks." she said, her lip curling, "I've only been on a plane twice, money thing, grandparents wanted to take me on vacation once when I was little, wasn't a 6 hour plane ride, but still, I can only imagine." she sat up in the bathtub, twisting around so her legs were hanging over the edge, leaning against the wall. She knew she'd have to leave the bathroom eventually, she wasn't doing her self any favors just sitting around and, well, waiting. "Remind me how long you're going to be gone?" maybe she could tell him in person, maybe that'd be better, and maybe by then it all would have worked out. Maybe...

"Well the tour is about two weeks, but I have some others things to take care of. I'll be gone about a month, maybe less if I'm lucky." Kisame had to pause before answering, and actually giving her a longer estimate than was necessary. If there was one thing he hated though, it was being told things would be done quickly and then no such thing happening.

A month, no, that was too long. It'd have to be the way she planned, over the phone. Well shit. Not now though, she couldn't say it now, too soon. "Oh alright, I'll be lonely you know. No one's in the house, and I sure as shit don't have friends. You'll call again, right?" she asked sounding hopeful, she would have been surprised if he said no, but it was worth asking any way. "And I'm not about to follow around that creppy old dude Tobi sent me to deal with every day, he's boring as hell. He's always around these teenagers, kind of freaks me out." she was just sort of blabbering, she didn't ever tell Kisame about her being sent to follow Orochimaru around, and she had been doing that, but it was getting really boring. She didn't really take it seriously anymore.

Nodding, he listened to everything she had to say. "Well," Kisame started. "I left a note in the kitchen. Could you feed the fish for me? I forgot to ask before I left," he told Konan. "I left money too, for the meat." She did sound a little odd, but then again she was talking about Orochimaru. Not everyone could talk about him with an easy stomach.

"Uh, yeah" she said, climbing out of the bathtub and wandering out into the kitchen, "That's fine. I can do that." There she went again, talking more than she needed to. Calm down, she kept telling herself. It wasn't doing any good, but maybe it'd work eventually. She had to tell him tonight, she just needed to find a good opening. "Besides, I'd like to visit Aiko, it's been a while since I've seen him." she added, opening the fridge, looking at it's meager contents with a frown

"Thanks," Kisame said and then said no more. Though he did sigh loudly until finally he spoke. "If those bastards lost my bags...someone is in for an ass whooping." He was glad he was speaking Japanese, because these American didn't seem to like the sound of his tone as is.

"Oh you're making friends already! Now play nice." she said pulling a carton of juice from the door and opening it, with a smirk, talking with him eased her nerves, maybe all of this wasn't a disaster, she was going to be alright, but then, if he was in a bad mood maybe this would be a horrible idea. Oh shit this was just far too hard for her. "They'll turn up. Don't worry..." she could give him something to worry about if that's what he really wanted...

"Look at that," he replied. "They're here." Getting off of the wall he went and grabbed one of the larger bags and hoisted it off of the turnstyle, dropping it with a small clatter of the wheels and grabbing the second smaller bag. He had a cart and put them on there after setting the phone between his shoulder and ear. "You're good luck."

"Heh," well better now than never right, "You say that now..." she put the juice down on the counter, leaning against it, the other hand in her hair, eyes closed, trying to find the words. This all went so much better in her head, she realized she hadn't said anything for a good while, it was probably too late to follow up on it now. She couldn't do it to him, not when he wasn't even in the same country with her.

Kisame let her be silent for a while, but after a few minutes he began to worry. "Konan?" He asked into the microphone, one hand dragging the cart behind him on the way to the bus stop. "What's wrong?"

She sighed into the phone. 'God damn it, just do it' she was screaming at herself. "I, okay this is probably the worst way to do this, and I'm sorry, I would have told you sooner if I had though, but I think...I might be pregnant..." she winced, waiting for some kind of reaction, she wanted to curl up in a hole and die this was not at all the way she had planned.

There was a pause in Kisame's walk, the group of people shouting at him as he was holding them up. He pulled the phone from his mouth to shout back, yelling in English at them all. Konan surely could have heard. "I'm in your way? Why don't you learn to walk, then we'll see who's in the way." And then he brought the phone back up to his ear. "Sorry, I didn't hear you." Oh, he had heard perfectly clear. He just didn't want to believe it.

She didn't want to say it again, she really didn't. While the shouting in english was a welcome distraction (her english wasn't all that great, she never paid attention in that class, nor had she had any reason to use it since she left school, she didn't understand much of it, but she could tell it wasn't exactly a happy exchange of words), she couldn't hide behind it. As easy as it would have been for her to just say 'nothing' and be done with it, she couldn't, not when she'd already said it once. "I might be pregnant..." she repeated bracingly.

In the time it had taken Konan to reply, Kisame had come to the agreement with himself that he wasn't going to worry. "I think," and "might" were not "I am." It was his positive attitude because he didn't want to be angry with Konan, he didn't want to be angry with himself. "All right," he said with a nod. "Okay." Kisame wasn't sure of what else to say to this, having no way to make a joke out of it. "Take a test when you can." It was all he could tell her. He couldn't say he was happy, though he couldn't say he was entirely angry with the situation either.

"Yeah," she said quietly, glad that this hadn't exploded, "I'm so sorry." she said, it being all she could really think to say, "I'm sorry if I fucked up your trip, I just," she sat on the floor, leaning against the countertop, "I just thought it would be best if you knew what was up, and like I said, I'm not even sure yet, and maybe it would have been better for me to wait before I said anything, but I'm kind of freaking out right now and I don't know, I'm sorry." she hadn't thought much past her uncertainty on being pregnant, what if she was...she hadn't even thought of that, that was an entirely different panic attack.

"I don't know what you're sorry for," Kisame said evenly as he got onto the bus and let the man take care of the luggage. "For one, it would be my fault." Which was as true as anything, because really women could not get pregnant without the man (or science, but that didn't come into play here). "Don't worry, all right? Just stay calm."

"Trying to blame anyone for this isn't going to change anything, lets not go down that road, alright? I'm scared, I can't take care of myself, and what happens if I am, I mean shit, then what?" she was getting ahead of herself and potentially scaring him at the same time, "Fuck..." she breathed, leaning forward against her knees. She really wished he could be there, doing this impersonally made it so much harder. Maybe she just needed someone to comfort her, she sure as hell wasn't going to call Pein...

"Shhh, Konan. Shh." He spoke to her. "It's going to be okay." No, it wasn't. Kisame didn't believe himself partially, but he wasn't about to start shouting at her. She was clearly afraid, even had said it. He was, but mostly he was scared for her. "Have you eaten yet?"

"Yeah," she muttered, he was right she did need to calm down. While she wasn't entirely sure she could agree with him on everything would be okay part. She sort of figured he was just saying it, to make either one of them feel better. By the sounds of things it wasn't really helping.

"Alright. After I hang up, I think you should go to bed and get some sleep." He sounded awfully kind for a murderer. "Okay? It's late and you're stressed. You'll make yourself sick if you keep this up."

"I've tried sleeping, I can't. And I can't go out because everything's closed cause if I were to just find out for sure either way I probably could sleep but the fact that I'm pulling my fucking hair out here isn't going to let me sleep at all. I'm sorry, I don't mean to yell...I'm just a wreck..." She stood up and walked back to the bathroom, bending down to pick up the book out of the bathtub before walking out again. "Ugh, I'm really sorry." she couldn't help but repeat it over and over again

"I wish I were there to help you," Kisame said. "Did you not know earlier when I saw you?" He asked lightly, hoping this question didn't upset her anymore. He didn't mean it cruely, but it was curious how she hadn't mentioned it.

"I should have, but god, with all that shit with Pein and the house being all fucked up and him walking out on me and the black eye I just had other stuff on my mind, I didn't really think of it either way, I probably should have, but I didn't." she'd beaten herself over the head about it for a while. "I thought maybe it was stress, but I figure pushing 3 weeks is longer than I could pass it off as being stress, I'm kind of a fucking idiot for not realizing it sooner..."

"You're not an idiot," he said soothingly. "And if you were, I like you that way." Kisame smiled as he spoke, sitting on the bus seats as it moved along.

She couldn't help but a smile a little, while he could have been furious with her and she wouldn't have known, hearing him say that really did help. She didn't want to push it to this place, but what would they do if she was pregnant? She really wanted him to be okay with whatever she might decide on, it seemed important. She knew that having a child with what they did for a living was practically impossible, but she was 24 years old, it wasn't that the idea of family hadn't crossed her mind, but she knew she wasn't in a place where that would be a good idea. "You know," she said, laughing feebly, "you're actually taking his a lot better than I thought you might..."

The man on the other end of the phone laughed. "Better than you know," Kisame told her with that smile still on his face. But his eyes, oh the fury in them. The child sitting across from him had moved, frightened of the look in the dark orbs.

"I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to see me anymore," she said, her voice serious "I really would, you don't need a problem like this..." she was really offering this up, she could tell he was comfortable in his lifestyle, and he didn't need something like this. "I mean I know I'm not even sure if I am, but still...I don't know..."

"I'd still see you if you were pregnant," he said. Ugh, the words made it sound so real. He hated it. "I'm getting too old for this job anyway," Kisame explained. Thirty wasn't really old, it was quite young, and since it was him he had many years to go. But in reality, business had gotta a little slow lately. Aside from this new Pein problem, Kisame only had this job and one more back in Japan left. After that he had no orders, for all he knew he could have a month at a time off. Though, Kisame couldn't remember the last time anyone in the Akatsuki actually had a "day off".

Hearing him say it too made her uncomfortable. A disgusted look crept onto her face, she wasn't sure how much she liked the sound of that. They were headed towards this anyway, so she thought maybe she should just ask about it, "I don't know, maybe if I am I just won't keep it, I mean if we just can't deal with that," she paused, she said we, she didn't mean to "I mean, I, this isn't your problem," she's learned this from her mother, she'd never met her own father, her mother lead her to believe that Konan was her problem, and that her father really had no responsibility in his own child. It wasn't that she didn't understand how twisted that might be, it was just what she was familiar with. "I'm not asking you to make any sacrifices here, I couldn't ask that."

"Of course it's my problem," he said. It took a lot of effort not to snap at her, and later he would have to ask himself why he had wanted to snap in the first place. Kisame couldn't actually want the child! That was ridiculous. "But lets not worry about it now, okay? I'm at the stop and have to put the phone down. I don't think I'll get reception here anyway." He explained gently. "Try to get some rest, I'll call you soon."

"Yeah," she said, she needed to stop talking about this, it was just making her feel worse. "I'll try to sleep, maybe I'll just drug myself to sleep." she paused, maybe that wasn't the best idea, considering the circumstances "I don't know, I'll try to sleep. Just- call me when you can, please?" she headed towards Pein's room. She'd been sleeping there, fuck sleeping on the couch anymore, he wasn't coming back soon, what would it matter?

"I promise to," Kisame said. "I love you." And then hung up the phone, letting it flip closed as he stood on the bus. The driver, who had parked, unloaded the two bags and set them on the sidewalk where Kisame then stood. His now free hand rose and touched the thumb and middle finger to his temples. Rage was boiling inside him with each passing moment, and he tried to keep cool about the whole thing with a slightly failing rate.

"I love you too." she said, a bit shocked to hear him say it at all. She closed her phone, flopping on her back onto the bed. Despite how well either of them seemed to be taking it, somewhere she knew that it wasn't at all as okay as either of them were pretending it was. She closed her eyes hard, tears creeping out from the corners of her eyes. Nothing really went as she had planned in her life, this was the nail in the coffin.
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